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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 10:24 pm
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I made breakfast/lunch for myself today because I was stuck on campus until 5:30. It's was bunch of stuff but in small amounts and it all added up to 316 cals. I'm pleased. I've had a great week without my dad (food wise, but I do miss him) he's been on a buisness trip. All week, I've never gone over 700 cals, it felt so good. Stuck on a plateau and I'm nervous for the weekend. I came home and ate a slice of bread (60 cals) which just made me feel sick. I had the worst headache in the world so I took some headache stuff and it's all gone. If I binge at all this weekend I WILL GO UP, I always do when I'm at a plateau. But if I stay on track I will definately lose either tomorrow or Sat.! I just have to keep it up. Have to stay stong!
...also have to start this mountain of homework....
but that's another story completely.
Gonna make some tea
<3 |
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Jan. 8th, 2010 @ 12:53 am
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helllooo everyone...although ive been reading alll your posts, sorry i havent posted one myself in a while. i feel so out of the loop haha. the holidays SUCKED food-wise as i expected and i go back to school sunday so im just trying to get by eating as little as i can without my parents freaking out. then when sunday comes around...im going all out i cant wait. for the most part it sounds like you all are doing good which im very happy about :-) i want to get to know all of you a little better, im down for texting or iming anytime. just message meeee
good luck and remember tomorrows a new day<3 |
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OH MY GOD YOU GUYS
First off: the weight related stuff:
I went out with my friend, and some of his friends,
in my new jeans, with the new hair
THE JEANS ARE MAGICAL. the way they are cut, the color, the pockets EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM makes me look 9838792376 times skinnier.
I <3 them like whoa!
And i know my last posts were not so upbeat, but i want to tell you guys what happened, with the boy.
I went out with one of my guy friends, who wanted to cheer me up after the boy made me feel so sad.
we went to a bar/pub, got food and a drink.
then we went to his friends house and watched a knights tale (OMG a guy who memorized that movie like ME)
and had a few more drinks.
in the meantime the weather outside is frightful.
the weathermen can't decide if the roads are going to suck or not, and my friend had picked me up in his truck. no 4 wheel drive. not the best thing to haul around on the ice. so it's late at night here, and i'm like "do i sleep here, or go home, when my guy friend has been drinking, and he's in a pickup that might not do so well out there.
(this has all been done in the name of forgetting that the boy made me feel incredibly sad, and i had basically accepted the fact that he was going to end things with me, that he'd written me off so to speak)
and then i get this phone call.
from the boy. and he's asking me if I was out and about (he had seen my away message saying i was going out when he IM'd me to ask how i was feeling.)
I said yes. i was out.
he said "well i just fell on the ice on my front porch" (he was okay)
so he was like it's slick, please be careful. and i kinda laughed and i was like yeah, me and my friends are here, and GuyFriend picked me up, and he's in a pickup, so i'm not sure how i'm getting home haha.
so we kinda talk for a bit, and then he's like "well, if the roads are like my porch, its gonna suck, so if you need me to come pick you up, i will".
Well, since GuyFriend had been doing shots of vodka, and the roads were apparently icky, and it was late at night, and GuyFriend was in a pickup truck with only one working windshield wiper, I agree to this.
So Boy picks me up, and I thank him for picking me up and he says “really it’s not a problem. I get to see you.” Really sweet thing to say. We proceed to talk about our conversation the night before, and sort everything out.
one of the things that I guess was an issue was that I like to cuddle and he is not so much of a cuddler. Anyway, he kissed me, and he said “I like kissing. Cuddling is like kissing in a way”.
He said all these sweet things that I needed to hear. He held my hand just because he wanted to. I felt so good. So cared for.
And the best part? The roads weren't even bad. He just wanted to be the one to take me home. Current Mood:  touched |
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i cant seem to get over it, and maybe i never will.
i miss my friend Ashton, i cant help but compare him to every guy i meet and no one can ever compare to him... he was such a sweet guy, it never crossed my mind the last time that i saw him, that it would be the last time we hung out, the last time i would see him, the last time i would hear his voice... i had a dream about him yesterday, every time i think about it makes me want to cry because it all feels so real when I'm dreaming. i hear him, i see him, i talk to him. It makes me almost forget hes gone, i always hate when i wake up because reality hits me and i realize that it was only a dream... i call his old phone when i cant fall asleep at night to hear his voice, it makes me feel better like hes there and I'm going to see him the next day. i miss my friend so so much. the truth though is that I'm scared that I'm going to start forgetting... of course I'm never going to forget him but I'm starting to forget how he smelled and stuff like that, it breaks my heart because i hope he doesn't forget me... ugh i don't know what to do. i know i wont ever be the same, i just have to deal with him being gone... but to tell you the truth i don't think i will ever fully accept that hes gone, because he cant be... like he said so himself hes superman he can do anything...Current Mood:  gloomy |
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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 10:29 pm
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pictures.
gonna try an LJ cut for the first time so bear with me.
comments would be appreciated..
stats:
height: 5'4''
current weight: 96.5
lowest weight: 94
highest weight: 118
crappy webcam pics..but i feel pictures help us all get to know each other better and relate and such..so let me know what you think. =]
had a crappy day today, ate too much.
tomorrow is a new day though.
<3 you all.
( Read more... ) |
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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 09:11 pm
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i finally had a better day than my last two days.
i love the happy feeling i get when i know that i did better than i did before.
i'm happy because i refused some chocolate, and drank like a litre of tea when i was at my grandmas house tonight.
yay.
hope you all are doing well!
xxxx |
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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 11:10 pm
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Today I was on a mania cycle, so I was super happy and outgoing, .... and I binged, and I'm afraid I'll swing back to being depressed tomorrow and be completely guilty about it, so I'm going to restrict to just fruit and low cal yogurt for the next while. I think I'm starting to understand the connection between my bipolar and my ED, when I am on a depressed cycle, I don't eat anything, and I'm so afraid of food, feeling guilty if I eat the tiniest thing - basically anorexia, but when I'm on a mania, i'm more likely to binge, and since I don't really purge, it's pretty much like binge eating disorder. It really wears me out sometimes considering i wake up one or the other each day, and if i'm happy, i'm going to binge which is going to make me depressed, but then i'll have my control back. It's really starting to wear me down. |
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Jan. 8th, 2010 @ 10:39 pm
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i'm so fat. fasting tomorrow. got big plans on saturday.
anyone with me? although you're all perfect the way you are.
love you girls. xoxox.
- kaylie.
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Its been awhile since I've been on so I suppose its time for a little update.
Currently at 112 lbs. I dropped a few punds even though the holidays were suckish. I had far too much to eat over the holidays and so I kicked my workouts into high gear. I've began to do yoga and I've made it somewhat of a goal to do yoga at least five times a week.
I might also start another liquid fast soon. I love those.
Hope everybody had a lovely day today! |
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Taking a break from being stressed out about my essay.
I wrote a dialog, it comes from some song lyrics I like but also some I just made up.
Are you okay?
No.
What's wrong?
I just want someone to tell me that it will all be okay, it will all workout.
It will all be okay, it'll all workout.
I'm so stressed.
I'll be your crying shoulder; I'll be the greatest man of your life.
You were on my mind at least nine tenths of yesterday but I still don't see the point in living.
If you want to kill yourself remember that I love you. Call me up before you're dead and we can make some plans instead.
Also, here are some lyrics I love:
If you want to burn yourself remember that I love you
If you want to cut yourself remember that I love you
If you want to kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before you're dead and we can make some plans instead
Send me an IM, I'll be your friend |
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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 05:18 pm
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Ok, serious mixed feelings about today.
I started Slimquick (caplets). And they like... completely transformed me. Something in them let me control my ADHD and helped me focus, they gave me energy and made all food look completely disgusting. I burned 3200 calories. Only allowed 320 (if that to stay in me). I'm making a big hurken salad for dinner. Will be fasting tomorrow + diet pills. If I eat anything it will be salad or soup or fruit.
Bad stuff. Two guys and a gf of one of them pointed at me and told his girl. "Not to let herself go and look like that." Or he'd leave her. WTF!? Why would you do that to someone!? Or at least when they are serving you food two steps away!!!! OMFG!!! This made me throw out most of my sandwich and I didn't even drink my 0 cal water.. I didn't feel like I deserved it. |
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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 08:14 pm
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hey guys! thanks so much for all the support about the friends and dinner thing yesterday.
but to everyone who said that "they sound like rotten friends" they really aren't. i probably made it out to seem a lot worse, and agree with someone who commented that its true people feel awkward when not everyone is eating. and, no offense to my friends, but since they did gain a lot of weight and i've lost a lot, i could understand why they would be uncomfortable. and YES we did all hangout afterward and it was fine.
today i've done WONDERFULLY! i managed to make food with my parents (they had pasta) and i made a tofu dog and a salad with romaine lettuce and 22 cals of dressing. all for a total of 77.5 cal for today! i'm planning on not eating anymore today to make up for my mini binge of 600 cals last night :/
I MISS BOSTON!!! 10 more days!
~liz xo
ps- im doing whatever it take from now on to lose 10lbs in 10days. even if its water weight, i WILL lose the 10lbs! the last 3 days i'm here i'm fasting (the parents will be out of town) so hopefully i can do it!
LOVE YOU ALL! |
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Hello ladies!
My name is Capri, I'm 16. This is my first post, although I used to belong to some community around a year and a half ago. Coming back because..of the new year? I want to really get my feelings out and get my weight back down. Recently I've gotten very involved in a few sports (competitive cheerleading, volleyball, track, ect.) which do require more energy, but I'd like to not look like a body builder! Haha. But I do have more muscle, and I'm currently around a size one. So here are some stats, I'd really love to be feeling good and stable by spring break, and I'm so excited to talk to everyone! (:
Height: 5'5
CW: 126
HW: 130
LW: 105
GW1:115
GW2:100 |
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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 09:11 am
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So I think I'm going to start doing the master cleanser for 20 days and 20 more if I feel ok.
I've decided to actually update my journal everyday and please, I really really need motivation. What I'm asking is just for a few friends to add me so when I do update with results, my schedule, attempts, whatever, knowing that someone is actually reading would really mean a lot to me. Also, I really want to do this for someone else. I know that doesn't make sense, but I find it much easier if I'm doing things for someone else. Then I actually feel motivation and a sense of responsibility to get things done. I've just kind of been low on the list of my priorities my whole life which is probably why I never treat myself well, etc. But that's another story. I'm trying to change that, but for now I just want to stick with what I know - which is how to please others. So even if it might not have any effect on your life reading my updates or whatever, I guess it will mean a lot and be a lot of motivation if I know that by not doing it I will be disappointing others in a way. Thank you so much! =)
- Lauren |
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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 05:57 pm
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oh my god
boca vegan burgers are only 100 cals each
i think i found my source of nutrition for forever.
i think im officially going to go 100% vegetarian :D |
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Jan. 7th, 2010 @ 08:40 pm
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Hello there : )
I just love reading all of your posts.
Every single one of you mean a lot to me and I take all of your posts to heart : )
With that being said, I hope you all had a great day!
I got some good news... I joined a gym!
I'm so excited : ) I'm gonna go tomorrow and I can't wait!
Today's been an alright day. I'm runnin on eight hours of sleep in two days so I'm reeeal tired lol. I had 540 cals, I guess I'm okay with that.
It's snowing like crazy here so I'm praying for a snowday!
Time for a shower than it's off to bed.
Goodnight loves : )
x |
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Im so hungry right now, when im up all night and alone
like I am now I get so hungry. And i just don't know what to do. :( |
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Jan. 8th, 2010 @ 01:18 am
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hey, how is everyone?
i had a great day, just had a packet of snack a jacks and some special k about 2 hours ago, quite happy :)
does anyone have tumblr by the way? x |
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Since the day I found this comm XD
I'm sorry I've been posting so much today, it's just I feel so.....alive. I want EVERYONE to feel what I'm feeling right now.
I'm on Day 7 of ABC.
265/300
5 cal pickle
20 cal cauliflower
120 cal veggie burger patty
120 cal breaded haddock
I went to the gym and burned 500 cals + plus a little bit of weight training.
And I still want to do more!~ I didn't know I could feel THIS pumped after the gym. I just might go play some DDR and do some sit-ups.
It's 9:00pm. The end of day 7. In the last seven days I have dropped 10 lbs. Mind you I have twice the amount of weight most of you girls have...but still. I feel accomplished. I haven't felt like this for a long time. Food has lost all it's appeal and I feel I could live off of pure positive energy. I know this can't last forever so I'll enjoy this moment while I can.
If anyone is interested in what I did for the last week, here's the journal I've been using to keep track of my progress. If it's online I feel accountable:
http://community.livejournal.com/ana_mia/4735807.html
This is getting kinda long so I want to end with a Thank You.
You girls inspire me to stick with restricting.
You girls push me to break my habitual purging.
You girls are my determination.
I may never have met you, but I love you.
Stay Strong <3
God bless. |
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total of 761 today.
still pissed cuz that was forced.
i cant wait til i leave home.
the good thing is it was all before 11 this morning.
so with the exercise tonight, and all the running around at work today
itll be alright.
i hope.
and im not doing dinner.
if i do, itll be soup.
peace.
stay strong ladies!!
xoxoCurrent Mood:  sleepy |
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